Dolphinette

In a survey of over 57,000 respondents in August of 2016, people were asked to choose the best Olympic summer sport. It was indisputable that volleyball was ranked 1st and dead last was "equestrian events". As a volleyball coach, I clearly understood why volleyball won, and to this day firmly believe that the instant transition in the sport from offense to defense has no equal. I also know, had the census been fair, the survey would have asked horses how they felt. Clearly, had some of the equines voted, equestrian events would have finished higher than last, even if they failed to get out the Pony vote. I won't go into the negative aspects of the blatant species-ism of this survey here, the country is still trying to heal. So it leaves me with no choice but to declare the second to last place finisher as the true worst sport in the Olympics according to this clearly species biased survey. The worst summer Olympic sport is therefore: Synchronized Swimming. I linked to the article because as we know, everything on Facebook is true.

While I may get some hate mail from this blog, I am looking forward to receiving beautifully decorated envelopes and cards piled in my mailbox in both a choreographed arrangement and exceptionally timed arrival.

Somewhere in a likely sweatshop in Arkansas, a screen printer who clearly lacks self respect, has chosen money over pride, and decided to print the shirt in this image above. First, the word, Dolphinette is not a Webster's recognized word. In other words, don't try it in scrabble. The picture of this female dolphin looks more like a pissed off Narwhale missing it's horn. I'd be mad too if I was forced to rotate upside down in the water with my toes pointed and my nose pinched shut to avoid water entry. I think we all can agree that water should only enter one orifice, and that's only when you are thirsty.

So my wife, in an effort to punish me for everything I've ever done wrong, has signed our oldest up for synchronized swimming and purchased this shirt for me. As I write this, I'm wearing it in a car on a 2 hour drive to a synchronized swimming meet listening to Christmas music while it's snowing outside. If that isn't waterboarding, I don't know what is.

My daughter got a 6th place ribbon at the last meet. I've never seen a 6th place ribbon in my life until that day. Why not 7th, did the Russian judge get bribed?

All kidding aside, I'm just going to shut up, golf clap when the rest of the parents do, and smile and ask my daughter if she had fun at this physical activity when it's over. There is a beauty to watching your child do something they like, even if that involves nose plugs and oysters (my daughter's favorite move)

I just passed a farm and saw several horses smiling. We were driving pretty slow, and I thought I saw one of them mouth the words, "Ed you won't believe what I just read, some guy had a shirt on that said proud..." The horses are laughing, man card revoked.

Enjoy

bvd