The situation can be harrowing, or enlightening, depending on many factors. For example, a deer in your headlights 20' directly in front of you while your car is traveling 65 mph on the freeway, may elicit a response involving skid marks on the road or skid marks in your underoos. Alternately, a deer in your front yard grazing as you pull into your driveway can be a calming reminder that you need to cut your grass, and a clear example of how beautiful nature can be.
When a deer turns to view a bright light source like a headlight, they are momentarily blinded and they freeze in place. You can see how at 65 mph in front of you, this is not a desirable outcome, whereas in your yard, a few extra minutes of staring before the deer begins to eat your garden may give you time to protect your hydrangeas.
Deer are a big piece of life during certain times of the year in Wisconsin. For instance, the second story on the news this evening was about a deer jumping through a window into the Oconomowoc Piggly Wiggly and roaming the aisles of this neighborhood grocery store. For my friends in other states who may have never, "Shopped the Pig", it's important to know that the cheese and booze aisles are the major focal points of this regional behemoth.
I would venture a guess you don't often get this type of shopping companionship at your Whole Foods, it's not like the $90 a pound lobsters just hop on out of the tank and carry your Pellegrino and kale with kohlrabi salad to the counter for you. I've attached photographic evidence of the hoofed marauder. I often find the need to sit down when deciding which type of margarita mix goes with which cheese I'm planning to serve, so I was able to empathize with bambi here.
As a dad with daughters, the "deer in the headlights" stops by at least once a day, usually when my explanation for something lasts longer than 3 sentences or we are learning a new concept that might be skimming by at 65 mph when my ladies need it standing in the front yard grazing instead.
So, I've begun using one liners to get points across to my children. I'm not sure if that's appropriate, but I was once told that one of the best things about having your own kids is that you get to screw them up from scratch, so I'm thinking the worst case scenario is that they may end up with some pithy or breviloquent set of values that will fit right in to today's internet meme society. Best case, my kids end up using these comments on my wife and I, and remind us to practice what we preach.
A few of the standard "go to" one liners I use in an effort to avoid the deer:
"Can't is a bad word"
"Are you being kind, grateful, and happy?" (the motto on the kids chalk board)
"Everyone has a but" (whenever the word "but" is used as a prelude to an excuse)
"Hard things are usually the right things to do"
I pull out the classics still:
"If it was easy, everyone would be doing it"
"There are starving children in other countries, is it kind to waste food?"
"Kids in China would like these toys back, we can arrange it"
"Which one of you is the phantom pooper who never flushes? Thanks for wiping BTW"
These one liners certainly have begun to transfer and appear to be working. My wife commented that she has been getting them thrown back at her recently. This was rewarding to hear. Certainly I had hoped they were listening, now I had some potential confirmation of this.
In an effort to improve my golf game while spending more time with my littlest daughter, I took her with me to the golf range. Her patience can be about that of a goldfish, however, with sports, she seems to be capable of a bit longer span. So, I handed her a tiny 9 iron with a pink handle, a small bucket of balls, and gave her a goal. Hit one of two cones that were 15' away with a golf ball, and I would buy her ice cream. Excited, she began swinging away. Couple solid hits, and better than I expected she would do with the first 7-8 balls.
I tried to give her advice in one liner format, perhaps something I heard:
Relax
Are you balanced?
Get closer to the ball with your feet
Focus on the ball
Easy swing
A couple nice folks walking by at the range complimented her on her swing, very helpful to keep the 4 year old engaged in what she was doing. A little boy about her age came over and wanted to chat with her about the putt putt range he was headed to next. She was ready for this welcome distraction. She smiled, then she brushed her hair away from her eyes to get a better look at junior, I put the kibash on this one with a reminder about how good the ice cream would taste if she hit her goal. I hope this works still when she is 16.
She ran through all her balls, getting very close several times and making me proud, as well as a bit jealous of how natural her swing was. I realized she made it look easy to have fun while golfing regardless of where the ball went.
She ran over and grabbed more balls from my bin, smiling and giggling the entire time and went back to hit more at the orange cone of potential sugary dairy goodness.
When all the balls were gone, and the target was not hit, the negotiation began. "Dad I got really close, maybe we should share an ice cream instead?" Clever, appeal to my love handles, well played child, well played. I held firm, "No, it would be hard for me to do that, you made a deal with me"
"Dad, hard things are usually the right things to do"
I giggled inside. "But sweetheart, you didn't hit the cone"
"Dad, everyone has a but"
I was just a happy deer bouncing through a field toward some paved area. "I can't give you ice cream when you didn't hit the cone"
"Dad, can't is a bad word"
At this point, I likely needed to get out of this conversation before the entire public golf range heard her ask me if I had ever failed to flush the toilet. It was then I realized who the deer was and who was really driving the car with the high beams on.
I successfully explained a deal is a deal, and did not pay out on the ice cream bet, but not without a few glares of disappointment and the cold shoulder. Fortunately, the attention span is bi directional, and all was forgiven in 5 minutes.
If you are a daddy with daughters, sometimes you are the deer in the headlights, sometimes you are the deer in the piggly wiggly, but remember, everyone has a but...
Enjoy your wonderful dears
bvd
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